Tunnels for me represent a stuck state of emotion. In the book of Burnout by Dr. Emily and Amelia Nagaoski explain it well. When in burnout you can feel stuck in emotion and until you fully process the emotion or what they say is the “complete the stress cycle” you remain stuck which to me is like staying in the tunnel.
I have been leaning into this stuck emotion lately. I had been feeling mentally and physically exhausted, having completed a long year of delivering towards aggressive targets, handling lay-offs, transitioning to a new role, taking big life decisions like buying our third house, learning to operate with grief and integrating with it and healing through it, raising two boys, one entering high school and the other who is slowly yet steadily turning the leaf to enter his double digit age.
I am sure many of you have been in the tunnel over the past year, travelling through it or hopefully out of it or practiced the art of entering one and leaving it successfully. This means you know the tactics well and practice them often to with thin slice recovery every single day to not let the stress accumulate. But if you are like me who has a tendency to accumulate the stress then it is important to realize that tunnels can feel rather dark and at high speeds where you have extreme amounts of it, all you are doing is surviving the day.
But what tunnels do as well is they end up causing one to lose perspective - "tunnel vision". So how does one gain perspective when inside a tunnel at high speeds when you don’t have the capacity to take on yet another thing (a common symptom of burnout).
The book Burnout does a good job explaining 6 to 7 great tactics. There is a bunch of research I won’t go into. All I’d say is I had some “aha” moments while practicing them.
Listen to your body not your mind - Avoid the resistance and move your body and get physically active just for 20 minutes. 20 minutes was not long enough but it wasn’t short either. If you can manage to get your heart rate going a bit high, you will bust through some of that stress. My brain goes what's the point, but my body likes it every time I complete a bike ride or a walk. So instead of listening to your mind which is in a stuck state at the moment, lean more inwards and give your body what it needs.
Let the words carry you - I am big believer that words can heal everyone and everything and I am re-reading some of the letters of Dear Sugar written by Cheryl Strayed. While in suffering or in midst of processing anger for having broken your boundaries or lived outside of your values (which leads to burnout), Cheryl's words reminded me is that love and connection are what lie at the end of suffering. It is ok to be stuck as far as you aspire to get unstuck. Just because you aren't able to get your actions to match your aspirational goals at the moment, don’t be disheartened. Let the words carry you. Trust me words heal you; they are magical. Read, listen to something that heals you.
Let music and or art open you to joy - A couple of weekends back my beautiful family visited us and sitting on my gorgeous deck, listening to music helped me experience pure joy. And guess what happens when we let joy in? We desire to do the things we love more; we want to share that joy with others. For me this translated to trying a new recipe to cook for my mom and family, picking up a new book Lessons in Chemistry that I’m absolutely loving. Music enabled me to follow the sound of light when stuck in tunnel. What is the thing that enables you to follow the sound of light when stuck in a tunnel?
Walk with someone or walk on a new street - Small quaint streets, farmer markets, are warm and have this quality of containing the best of the world we live in. The Ballard local shops and market brought me in touch with creativity, art, and artists as I took a stroll over the weekend. It got me out of the rut of life and put me right at the heart and center of life. You cannot but smile, when you enter small shops, look around, admire, and bring yourself to be present in the moment. The very same way taking a walk with a soul friend, who can fill your cup as you walk, can help you traverse through the tunnel and build up some strength to bust through that stress.
Disconnect to connect - I took off from work for a few days to disconnect. And guess what, I found myself connecting to things, places, and people around me. The gorgeous sunset I experienced from my balcony, the many warm hugs I gave my boys, nieces, and nephews & some travel plans I could make space for with my cousin all happened when I disconnected. This connection carried forward to work when I went back. I spent time with my team in person, had some amazing creative sessions, where we sparked new ideas, wrote them down, got excited to see them through. It is magical to think how powerful the act of disconnecting can be.
I have finally made it through the tunnel and busted that stress cycle. How do I know this? I am not angry with myself anymore for having broken my boundaries. What my latest experience of being stuck taught me is the following - just because our actions don't match our aspirational goals when we are stuck, doesn't mean we feel disheartened and indulge in shame. Remember you have what it takes to traverse through this tunnel and get out of it and align your actions to your values. That is another great way of knowing when you are out. Your actions are more in alignment with your values. The key is to keep moving, keep aspiring, keep busting that stress cycle.
Happy Summer. Hope to get back to more writing…
Maithili Vijay Dandige