As I came down hog wild today, the thought that crossed my mind was to focus, to be in the moment and somehow gather enough courage to get my skis to face parallel to the mountain and make my way down. And then the inevitable happened. I had a massive fall. My headfirst, then my neck and twisting to land on my back. With one ski off my boots, and the other one still intact, I had nowhere to go. It was just me, the mountain, and the shock of it all.
How does it feel to fall down? How does it feel to have your skis come off. My thoughts moved to the current scenario in tech, the cuts, the layoffs, the heartbreaks. Not one, but both ski's coming off and the feeling of being stuck on the cold, mountain. Which way do you go? Up or down?
There was pain in the moment, and I was reminded to focus. Not think of what could have been or what may have happened but just where I am. I had just finished reading the book "The power of now" and it was the perfect moment to practice what I had learnt. To get into my body, take a few deep breaths and to return back to the now. My mind acting like a torch cutting through the fog and asking me to stand up. I managed to get myself up, slide down the mountain to get my next ski. Then I pushed down both my skis to the bottom of the mountain and slid all the way down.
Later, I came home and slept for two hours, woke up, took a warm shower and realized how every inch of my back, my legs, my thighs, my neck, every damn thing hurt like hell. I was feeling the fall physically for the first time. Back then, in the moment, I was just hoping to survive.
And that is exactly how I have learnt about grief and loss. In the last two years since my father passed away. The pain is not felt in the moment but only later.
I know I have fallen a many few times.
If I have come to realize that there is no point in resistance
If I have learnt absolutely anything
It is to accept what is and what will be
But the point is then why should one do the things they must
Or why does one go back to behaviors they say they won't repeat
The point there too is to accept and not resist
If grief is the price you pay for loving someone, something, so deeply.
Then acceptance is the receipt you get to have in return
I have fallen a many few times, and I have seen many others feel the same. The loss and grief I see, reminds me of the pandemic. Those days and weeks when you felt all alone and isolated. The weeks where you felt helpless. The weeks where you felt exhausted and even guilt. Guilt that you got to survive but many didn't.
I also know what moves us forward the survivors is a responsibility to get up and show up every single day. To create, to re-build put back abundance and joy for others.
We must, because we can. We must because we love. We must because today is not our turn to indulge in our pain, but to put our skis back and make it down to the ski lift and get back at the top of the mountain. So that we can lay out the paths for the ones who can ski down when they get to climb back again.